Get Ready

This week has been an outpouring of God's word into my life like has never been before. The crazy thing is, it was only confirmation of what He had ALREADY been speaking to me, I was just afraid to believe it was true. There has been challenge after challenge this year, and quite frankly, it's been pretty scary. It had me questioning everything I know about the Lord. Not in who He is, but in who He is in MY life. That same lie that the "good things" and in this case, the blessings and favor of God, are on "those people, not me."

I am in the toughest financial spot I have ever been in. Crazy because I have made way less, and somehow made it through, yet despite my faithfulness in sowing, I've had one financial hit after another and it's made no sense. I would get pretty mad at the Lord, wondering if I'm hearing Him at all, because I KNOW what He told me about the business. I KNOW He brought me to my day job. So why the heck am I so behind in the rent, the car payment, the SMUD bill?! What the heck is happening God!? The stress of picturing my car getting repo'd, the frustration of my landlord, my stress in trying to keep the cell phone from being turned off, having gas in the car to actually work and keeping the kids fed has had me frustrated to say the least! I KNOW what God has spoken over me, and this AINT it! Why the heck Lord is it happening for everyone else BUT me? 

Ha! Then the answer came last night. I call "bull****" on the enemy right now, because that lie no longer has any authority to operate in my life. I've cried out to God, "WHAT am I doing WRONG?! I feel like I get just enough crumbs to take away the extreme hunger pain, yet still left hungry." My destiny is not begging for crumbs! 

Then I realized, I've been afraid of it. That the amazing things God says about me and my life are actually (gasp) TRUE. Because if it's TRUE, that means I am destined for high places (but I'm afraid of heights, Lord!). Then that means I have the power in the name of Jesus, by the Holy Spirit to heal the sick, cast out demons (Mark 16:17) and do greater things than what Jesus did, and do it BOLDLY! (yikes!) In John 14:12 Jesus says whoever believes in Him will do GREATER things than what He did! That means, me, Chandra. That means you too! But with it, comes a price. It's a sacrifice to surrender everything you know or thought you knew about yourself. 

So what does this have to do with my challenges now? Well you see, I discovered last night, I was not standing in the Grace and Truth of who Jesus is in my life. I was "doing" the right things, expecting this formula to work for me, and according to God's principles it DOES. But I was missing a key piece... recognizing I am not entitled to anything, EVERYTHING given to me is in grace. If I continue to fail to see and ACCEPT the power in the grace and truth of the revelation above about the call on my life, I will continue to "feel" like what I do will never be good enough. Without confronting that "lie" in my head, and running from the Truth of Who I am, WHOSE I am and what He has called me to do, I will always be stuck. 

When I first gave my life to the Lord, I was SOLD OUT 110%. I didn't curse, I was HOLY ROLLER...my old friends wouldn't even say the word "hell" around me! No secular music, no secular movies, and I prayed for anyone and everyone whenever. EVERYTHING that came out of my mouth was about the Lord, Jesus was my best friend, my everything. I was 22 or 23 in women's leadership, ministering to women twice my age, humbled by how much God grew me in such a short time at such a young age. And then it happened. God gave a word in service about a fire coming, a HOT fire coming, but that it was necessary to take us where He wanted us. I remember thinking "God, I feel SORRY whoever is gonna go through THAT!"  Too bad I didn't have a mirror to look at when I said it. I fell. I fell HARD. Sex, men, drugs, alcohol, partying.. yup did it ALL! Ran from God for quite awhile. But when I came back, I was afraid to be that "holy", afraid to be that "sold out" again... why? Because I didn't want to fail God again.

But my teacher says, I never failed the test, because His Grace is all over my life. He allowed me then to go through the fire necessary to get that pride out of the way and to discover who I was as his baby girl. Today He has allowed me to go through this fire to get myself out of the way to step up into who I am as His Queen, trusting solely in Him. Jesus is asking me, "Chandra, who do you say I am?" My answer is my Savior, my Provider, my Protector, my Husband, my Friend, You are Grace, You are Truth, and above all, You are Holy. His response to me this morning in my worship...then Get Ready! 

And I am so ready!!! 

Til next time....

~C